a really good weekend

 it’s been a good couple of days, in an odd way. the time i’ve spent alone i’ve been in a bit of a slump and haven’t gotten much done, but the time i’ve spent with my friends has more than made up for that and done wonders to improve my mood. 

on friday night, i went to my first spuds show with a group of friends. i got to wear one of the many shirts that i’ve cropped over the past few weeks and got a bunch of compliments on that and the glitter i borrowed from my roommate. 

i also had to sprint across part of athletic campus to catch up with them because i was waiting at the wrong door, but if anything that just helped get my blood flowing and made me feel more alert. 

we caught a bus from the med center to winooski and had a good conversation with a man sitting near us. ben met us at the spinner place stop to walk the rest of the way to spuds. 

i love being in winooski. maybe it’s because i only come here for shows and parties and dropping people off after parties, but i can always feel just a little more alive here. i think this shows in a lot of the pictures my friends took- i can count on one hand the number of photos i have where i’m smiling with teeth or look that genuinely happy and fully in-the-moment.

walking through winooski. 

i really like spuds- i like the dog faces they draw on your hands once your cover is paid, the cooler full of mini water bottles by the wall, the abundance of couches and places to sit and all the decor on the walls. i like that they have a bar- even if i don’t drink, i think it’s a cool thing to have in a space like this. 

the bands were awesome- the openers, a band called fawn, really stood out to me. the lead singer has a terrific voice, and there’s so much emotion in their songs. i need to listen to their stuff again. 

by the end of the show, the group had added five or six more people that we knew. we all played tag in the parking lot and admired the stars overhead and walked to the bus stop together. 

outside of spuds.

i left the afterparty early, but from the pictures in the group chat i saw my friends happy and lively and smiling and my heart warmed.

the next night, a group of us went to a show at the house project, a venue i found my way to last semester and immediately fell in love with. i’d seen two of the three bands before, and the moment the pit opened up, i felt myself come alive the way i always do when this happens.

a guy came up to my friends and i after the second set and told me, making no effort to hide his surprise, “you can mosh!” i laughed a bit at this. when you’re my size and look the way i do, you either learn to take the heat or get out of the frying pan. 

i got into hardcore through shows at venues in rutland, a scene largely made up of men between their late teens and mid-forties, and the guy who brought me there was a veteran of god-knows-how-many pits who saw me as his younger brother and thus ineligible for and uninterested in any special treatment. so i’ve noticed people tend to be a little surprised that i have no fear of being the smallest person in a pit, and even more surprised when they’ve been deliberately being gentler towards me and i respond by putting my whole bodyweight into every slam and shove.

the house project pre-show.

i told a friend a while ago that hardcore shows are a kind of religious experience for me. someday i’ll buckle down and write that out for you all. 

i got in a sword fight in the pit, using fake swords the second band threw to the crowd. all three bands put on a great show, and i left in that vaguely dazed, blissfully happy state that i only find in the aftermath of hardcore shows, a long run, and really good sex. 

again, i didn’t spend too long at the afterparty, but i saw the photos afterwards and got some form of secondhand joy from seeing my friends happy. 

afters!

i started sunday off in a bit of a lousy mood. not in the temperamental, bitter, easily-set-off sense, but just in a state that really didn’t feel great- the emotional equivalent of grimy sticker residue, if that makes sense. i spent most of the day in my room, killing time and wallowing in my shitty mood, but i got a text in a group chat inviting me out to dinner, along with the other people who’d been a part of the last two adventures, and it was a much-needed thing to look forward to. 

we all went out to dinner at an indian restaurant i hadn’t been to before. i’m sure the other guests at the restaurant were really irritated with how loud we were being, but such is bound to happen at a table full of ten college students who all know each other and love to make each other laugh. this too was a great night. 

and not long after i got back to my dorm, rome arrived to spend the night, and so i spent a few more hours chatting with them and my roommate until we all fell asleep around midnight. by then, i was warm and happy and content. i woke up on monday and started writing this, hurrying to capture the memories in a form i can come back to and relive, and that has since carried into tuesday, and digging back through my memories is still giving me that little boost i need to trudge through another day of classes. 

i love the people i’ve met here and this weekend has only made me love them more. even if i’m not great at showing it, i do enjoy and cherish every opportunity i have to spend time with them. it’s been a great weekend. :)