names i considered, why i liked them, why i didn’t choose them

for someone who loves complaining about the only good nonbinary k name being kai, i’ve sure found a lot of other options. i’ve considered quite a few names over the years, but somehow i’ve always ended up back at my birth name. here’s some that i’ve considered, why i did, and why i didn’t choose them. 

bear

why i liked it:

one of my parents’ nicknames for me is little bear. i felt that it would be a name change that they might take less personally, and if they didn’t respond positively, it’d be a nice fuck-you. plus, i’ve always been scared of bears, specifically of running into one out in the woods where i grew up. i envisioned this being a reminder to “do it scared”- whether “it” is coming out, transitioning, talking to a hot person, going on solo adventures, or walking in the woods. plus, i think bear is a really cool name.

why i didn’t choose it:

i’m still pretty dead set on a k name or a phonetic k name. plus, i’d never live down the alaskan bush people jokes.

newt

why i liked it:

little newt is my parents’ other nickname for me. i think it suits my personality and is a nod to my love for climbing.

why i didn’t choose it:

jk rowling fucked me out of a great name. then again, maybe it’s now even better because i could say i chose it out of spite.

parker

why i liked it: 

for a long time, i was closer with a family friend’s family than i was with my own, to the point that i became a sort of unofficial third child. all their names contained an r, and their two sons both had names ending in an -er sound, so at the very least i figured it would be a nice nod to all they’ve done for me. i also really like how it sounds and it’s in a vein of gender-neutral names that i really vibe with.

why i didn’t choose it: 

i actually did use it strictly online for a while, but there’s no k beginning, and i know too many parkers now.

casey

why i liked it: 

phonetically very similar to kelsey and easy to spell. it’s also in the neutral-to-masculine vein i really like.

why i didn’t choose it: 

no k and the “kasey” spelling rubs me the wrong way for some reason

kell

why i liked it: 

the only kell i’ve known was an olympic runner. his son and i went to the same running camp. it could also be assumed to be a shortened form of kelsey so i wouldn’t have to explain that i stole it from an olympian as often.

why i didn’t choose it: 

i have a weird aversion to names of people i know/have met.

kellen

why i liked it: 

similar sound to kell, but it has the two-syllable sound going for it as well. i also don’t know any kellens.

why i didn’t choose it: 

i’m honestly not sure. i think this one popped up when i was still somewhat set on a name ending in an -er sound.

kieran/kirin

why i liked it: 

cool, underused name, k name, just the right strain of gender-neutral but still masculine.

why i didn’t choose it: 

i know a kieran and he’s way too nice for me to steal his name in good faith. i have mixed feelings about the kirin spelling as well, but if i ever do change my name, this will probably be in my top three possibilities.

k

why i liked it: 

the k name to end all k names. i like letter names as well- i work with a v and used to go to school with an x. there’s something fun about subverting the idea that names, being (proper) nouns, need to contain at least one vowel as well

why i didn’t choose it: 

not sure it’s a great fit. i think i like it better in theory, but i do occasionally sign things as k.

killian

why i liked it: 

underused, has a fun sound and a k beginning. plus my family is irish/scottish, as is my current name, so i like the idea of keeping that theme.

why i didn’t choose it: 

for the longest time, i couldn’t figure out how to pronounce it. plus i don’t want people thinking i named myself after a celebrity and tried to be sneaky by changing the first letter.

kay

why i liked it: 

nice and short, starts with a k, sounds identical to “k” but might cause fewer issues writing it on forms

why i didn’t choose it: 

slightly too feminine for my liking, plus it opens way too many doors for “every kiss begins with kay” pickup lines.

kerry

why i liked it: 

it’s fun to write, sounds a little like kelsey, is fairly uncommon

why i didn’t choose it:

one “carrie” spelling would send me over the edge.

kingsley

why i liked it: 

when i was working at the language schools, the spanish director who spoke almost no english misheard my name and briefly thought i told him my name was kingsley. i realized i kinda fuck with that and almost just rolled with it.

why i didn’t choose it: 

i feel weird about a “king” name. also, as previously mentioned, jk rowling can fuck right off.

kelp

why i liked it: 

i got this one from the props department head at work. i thought it was silly but also kinda liked it.

why i didn’t choose it: 

it works better as a pseudonym/occasional nickname than a full-time name, in my opinion.

kelsey

why i liked it: 

i’ve had almost twenty years to get used to it and it’s just gender-neutral enough to keep me from insane for now. i can’t stand kelsey grammer, but at least he makes it easier to tell myself my name is gender-neutral.